| NOLA |
[Mar. 25th, 2006|01:06 pm] |
I'm making long stories super short right now.
#1. Went home, got my new DL, came back to NOLA.
#2. Currently living with an African prince, an Aussie, an Israeli, and a Peace Corps candidate from D.C. (all males, of course) in a Mid-City house.
#3. The woman in charge of the volunteer organization that I came down here to work with is now under investigation by the FBI, FEMA, and Naval Intelligence.
#4. My friend from NYC who came down to volunteer with me is marrying a plumber that she's known for a week and a half.
#5. I keep dreaming about horses. I'm definately going to go trail riding when I go back to visit Tennessee again.
#6. I need to get Bonnaroo tickets.
#7. I have $.04 in my bank account right now.
#8. I'm now in charge of gutting houses.
#9. I have very sparse computer access, so more than likely, it'll be a while before I'm back on here again.
#10. I'm the beer pong champ of the world. Seriously, I made a once-in-a-lifetime shot Thursday night that I will never forget.
#11. No matter how crazy/stressful/unreal things get here sometimes, I'm having the time of my life. |
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| New Orleans |
[Feb. 6th, 2006|07:31 pm] |
Okay, so I promised a long, descriptive LJ entry and now I'm actually taking a stab at it.
So, this Thursday will mark the one month anniversary of me being in New Orleans, and to say that it has been a rollercoaster ride thus far is a definate understatement. I really feel as if I've been here for years, which sometimes gives me a sense of peace because I've connected with this place so much, and sometimes makes me feel emotionally exhausted (because if this is just the month marking point, how am I going to be at two months or three?). Over the course of my first week, I basically just spent my time getting the feel of the place, the work, and the people.. and man, the first week was so FUN.. bah.. seeing as how much time has gone by, the task of describing in any detail everything that has gone on suddenly feels so daunting.. alright.. so i'm going to change up the format a bit as I see fit so that I can pass on as much information as possible without writing a novel.
Week 1: On the drive in (12 hour drive, mind you) about 90 miles from the city of New Orleans, I started to see the damage. I just noticed that the trees didn't seem to look right because all the branches were gone except for the top ones and I wondered whether or not that was just the way all Gulf Coast trees looked (I really am a natural blonde sometimes), until I realized that it was all wind damage. The night that we came in (we being my friend, Jones, and I), I really didn't get to see or speak to many people before going to sleep. I was put in an RV (we live in donated RVs on private property where basically, a really nice older couple just kind of opened up their home to this organization.. www.hilltoprescue.org - thought I'd throw in a nice little plug there) with two other women, one of which was my age and the other in her mid-40's. I, being the newest addition, got stuck with the top bunk which in a house isn't so bad.. in an RV, on the other hand.. not so fun for a girl standing at all of 5'3.. so the bunk bed has no ladder, and for three nights in a row in order to first get into bed I had to crawl over sleeping younger girl (Julie, if I remember correctly) to stand on a one-inch window ledge and then shimmy my way up to my pillow. I say shimmy because there is about seven inches of space between the cushion which is a makeshift mattress and the ceiling.. so no sitting up whatsoever.. then at night since I'm a tosser/turner.. I woke up every half hour it seemed like I would wake up to find myself half and inch away from a six foot tumble onto Julie (the bunk beds are perpendicular rather than parallel.. so someone had a sick sense of humor when designing this specific RV). And basically, to get down in the morning, I had to sell my soul to Satan for safe passage.. I'm not good at shimmy-ing backwards with my legs dangling but who is? .. man, I haven't even gotten to the work part yet or the people or Bourbon street.. okay.. so this entry might come in sections, just so you know right now.
Working: Basically, what the organization I work with does is we gut, or "muck" as we call it, homes for Hurricane Katrina victims who either can't afford it, can't do it themselves for whatever reason, or in most cases, both. The homes must be gutted (as in, all personal possessions are thrown out onto the sidewalk for the clean-up crews sub-contracted by FEMA to pick up, as well as carpet, sheetrock, tile, etc. etc. etc. down to the studs) in order for the homeowner to be able to get a FEMA trailer if they are rebuilding or just to get the house knocked down if they are demolishing. And months after the flood, you can't imagine the sights (and SMELLS) of some of these homes. Mold has pretty much destroyed anything that the flood didn't take out, animals have made new homes, and let's not discuss refridgerators at the moment, lest I remember the smell.
There are so many stories and details that I have in my mind right now that I feel both like I can't possibly fit them all into this and that I'm not doing this experience much justice in this text.
People:
Alright, volunteers the first week: There was Corky - our leader from California with his wife and granddaughter, Doc - a retired psychologist who rode his motorcycle here from his hometown in Maine on his way down to Honduras and then Costa Rica for a bit. He had been here three months prior to my meeting him. Then there was Ben, from Michigan, who I will go into more detail about later. Then Kris, a UConn grad student.. such a great girl with an awesome, fun personality, Theresa, another awesome girl, and Julie, again awesomeness.. and there were older couples here but it all kind of blurs together at the moment.
Okay, this will be my stopping point for now, but as soon as my thoughts clear, I'll write more. I miss you all and love you very much and sorry if I've procrastinated on some of your emails. I've got to go pass out from exhaustion now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|08:40 pm] |
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There is so much to say and not enough words. A long update will come shortly. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|09:59 am] |
 | | The Peach
Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMf)
Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach.
For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it.
Your exact opposite:
The Nymph
Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer
| You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you're becoming more selective about long-term love. It's getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a guy who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying him.
Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense.
DREAD: The False Messiah
CONSIDER: The Loverboy, The Playboy, or The Boy Next Door |
Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: jessangel2142 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|01:28 am] |
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I had planned on leaving for Louisiana at the end of the week. I had a nice little schedule and everything was working out until... (drumroll please).. my mother tells me that my dad is flying in to make sure to see me before I go. In a normal family, this would be okay, even sweet, but I'm absolutely terrified right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2005|12:33 am] |
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Come January, I'm off to Louisiana for four months to help Katrina victims. Show me some love before I go! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2005|03:55 pm] |
America - Allen Ginsberg
America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
America two dollars and twentyseven cents January 17,1956.
I can't stand my own mind.
America when will we end the human war?
Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb.
I don't feel good don't bother me.
I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind.
America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?
When will you be worth of your million Trotskyites?
America why are your libraries full of tears?
America when will you send your eggs to India?
I'm sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.
Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back it's sinister.
Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?
I'm trying to come to my point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
America stop pushing I know what I'm doing.
America the plum blossoms are falling.
I haven't read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for murder.
America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies.
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid I'm not sorry.
I smoke marijuana every chance I get.
I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.
When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid.
My mind is made up there's going to be trouble.
You should have seen me reading Marx.
My psychoanalyst thinks I'm perfectly right.
I won't say the Lord's Prayer.
I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations.
America I still haven't told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over from Russia.
I'm addressing you.
Are you going to let your emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
I'm obsessed with Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It's always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious.
Movie producers are serious. Everybody's serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.
Asia is rising against me.
I haven't got a chinaman's chance.
I'd better consider my national resources.
My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana mil
lions of genitals an unpublishable private literature th
at jetplanes 1400 miles an hour and twenty-five thousand
mental institutions.
I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of
underprivileged who live in my flowerpots under the
light five hundred suns.
I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go.
My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I'm a Catholic.
America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as
individual as his automobiles more so they're all
different sexes.
America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on
your old strophe
America free Tom Mooney
America save the Spanish Loyalists
America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die
America I am the Scottsboro boys.
America when I was seven momma took me to Communist Cell
meetings they sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket
a ticket costs a nickel and the speeches were free
everybody was angelic and sentimental about the workers
it was all so sincere you have no idea what a good thing
the party was in 1835 Scott Nearing was a grand old man
a real mensch Mother Bloor the Silk-strikers' Ewig-
Weibliche made me cry I once saw the Yiddish orator
Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have been a spy.
America you don't really want to go to war.
America it's them bad Russians.
Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians.
The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power mad.
She wants to take our cars from out our garages.
Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Reader's Digest.
Her wants our auto plants in Siberia. Him big
bureaucracy running our fillingstations.
That no good. Ugh. Him make Indians learn read. Him need big
black niggers. Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours
a day. Help.
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from look in the television set.
America is this correct?
I'd better get right down to the job.
It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes in
precision parts factories, I'm nearsighted and psycho-
pathic anyway.
America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.
Berkeley, January 17, 1956 |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 19th, 2005|11:22 am] |
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For as much as I bullshit about "doing fine" in school, I'm about to have my ass handed to me. GIANT test in Japanese this evening that I haven't studied for and even MORE GIANT project due in Women's Studies and none of the people in my group have contacted me. Great... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2005|11:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
My life bends and turns and I go down roads I have never known, but it's all the same. New boy, new hair, new school, new life, but the same scars. It's circular, winding up where I began. A November anniversary awaits me, and I currently have enough trouble with keeping myself together. I've got to keep it together.
Speak - Laurie Halse Anderson
It's all about SYMBOLISM, says Hairwoman. Every word chosen by Nathaniel, every comma, every paragraph break - these were all done on purpose. To get a decent grade in her class, we have to figure out what he was really trying to say. Why couldn't he just say what he meant? Would they pin scarlet letters on his chest? B for blunt, S for straightforward?
I can't whine too much. Some of it is fun. It's like a code, breaking into his head and finding the key to his secrets. Like the whole guilt thing. Of course you know the minister feels guilty and Hester feels guilty, but Nathaniel wants us to know this is a big deal. If he kept repeating, "She felt guilty, she felt guilty, she felt guilty," it would be a boring book and no one would buy it. So he planted SYMBOLS, like the weather, and the whole light and dark thing, to show us how poor Hester feels.
I wonder if Hester tried to say no. She's kind of quiet. We would get along. I can see us, living in the woods, her wearing that A, me with an S maybe, S for silent, S for stupid, for scared. S for silly. For shame. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2005|07:42 pm] |
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Pictures coming soon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2005|02:18 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The World at Large - Modest Mouse | ] |
he calls and says, "i've been sitting here for hours making beautiful things, so i thought of you." really, i know he called to merely fulfill his perceived obligation.
Yeah, things have been a lot better. Or maybe "things" haven't been better, and I just have been better. I've been in a pretty decent mood for a good three or four days now. I've been tons more productive. I'm actually making it to every class now, and the plan for tomorrow/today is to take a test at 9, then put in job applications around town, and do some paper writing. All in all, I think I'm going to make it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|01:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
10 Random Things About Me
1. I often have very vivid nightmares about the apocalypse/WWIII.
2. Everytime an airplane flies overhead or a Greyhound passes me on the interstate, I make up stories in my head about where the people are traveling and why.
3. I'm borderline obsessed with art by Kurt Halsey.
4. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and if I'm not careful about the amount that I worry about things, I break into panic attacks.
5. For as long as I can remember, I've felt homesick for an imaginary place.
6. I haven't spoken to my father in about two months.
7. I am constantly restless.
8. I am both excited and completely freaked out about going back to school soon.
9. I have THE CUTEST shoes on right now.
10. I smoke like a train, and I know I really need to quit.
9 Ways to Win My Heart
1. Be genuine.
2. Notice the little things.
3. Small, unexpected suprises hidden in random places.
4. Call if you say you will.
5. Have long, intelligent discussions with me and don't take it personally if it gets heated when we disagree.
6. Be only slightly intimidated by me.
7. Don't screw other girls.. or other guys for that matter.
8. Four words: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
9. Don't bore me.
8 Things I Carry/Wear Everyday
1. Kurt Halsey "Solo Summer Nights" bag
2. Whatever book I'm working on
3. My text journal, art journal, and recovery journal
4. Lance Armstrong bracelet
5. Powerband
6. Cigarettes and lighter
7. Reading glasses
8. Cell phone
7 Things That Annoy Me
1. When my car starts to overheat due to traffic.
2. Speeding tickets.
3. Rednecks
4. Stupid people and/or ignorant people
5. Criminals that try to hit on me at work.
6. Sexist/racist/discriminatory people in general.
7. People that try to tell me what to do.
6 Places I've Visited
1. Grand Canyon
2. La Jolla
3. Los Angeles
4. Washington
5. New York City
6. Mexico
5 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1. Surf.
2. Live abroad.
3. Write a book (a good one).
4. Graduate from a great law school.
5. Start a cult.
4 Things I'm Afraid Of
1. Helplessness
2. Giant spiders, like the one that was in my bathtub two weeks ago.
3. Not living up to my potential.
4. Nightmares coming true.
3 Things I Do Everyday
1. Drive
2. Smoke
3. Read
2 Things I'm Trying Not to Do Now
1. Smoke
2. Worry about people, the past, or the future.
1 Person I Want to See Now
1. The Dalai Lama would be pretty cool. Or Jon Stewart. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2005|11:14 am] |
Last night: Dredg + mewithoutyou = great show. The bands entertained me nearly as much as the drugged out, overweight hippie who was dancing around and singing every Dredg song with such fervor that it reminded me of a Pentecostal revival.
Departure time: 7:00 p.m. (promptly after getting off work, driving an hour to and from my house, and primping/showering for an hour)
Arrival time: 4:30 a.m. (followed by no less than an hour of phone calls)
So that's a 9 hour day I put in at work yesterday, at least 4 hours of driving, and an hour of getting bitched at. Now I'm pulling another 9 hour day on two hours of sleep.
P.S. - And I get to either couch-hop or sleep in my car for the next four nights since my father is coming in this weekend and the only way I can be sure to avoid an altercation is to avoid that man completely. |
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| To keep the updates coming.. it isn't much but at least it's something |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|09:19 am] |
100 things about me
1. Kindergarten Teacher's name: I had two or three because I moved so much but I don't remember any names. Just being afraid of them.
2. Last person you kissed: David
3. Last word you said: "Dammit!"
4. Last song you sang: "Telegram" - Saul Williams
5. Last person you hugged: David
6. Last thing you laughed at: Smash Brothers
8. What's in your CD player: Saul Williams
9. What socks are you wearing: None
10. What's under your bed: Junk
12. Current taste: Marlboro Red
13. Current hair style: Down, parted on the side, bangs semi-covering one eye
14. Current clothes: Work attire: Cute shirt, black blazer, new jeans, black heels..
15. Current Job: Intern at a law firm.. basically I'm the gopher.. you know, "go fer coffee", "go fer the mail", etc.
16. Current longing: To be in bed, fast asleep...
17. Current desktop picture: Kurt Halsey's "Rise"
18. Current worry: School, grades, money, people, the usual..
19. Current hate: Not knowing...
21. Current favorite article of clothing: My Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle boxers
22. Favorite feature(s) of the opposite (and same) sex: Strong shoulders/upper back, kissable lips, "the cut"
23. Last CD that you bought: SAUL FREAKING WILLIAMS!
24. Favorite place to be: My "spot" 30 feet over a creek.
25. Worst place to be: Back in high school..
26. Time you wake up in the morning: 7:30-ish
27. If you could play a new instrument, what would it be?: Bass or piano...
29. Current favorite word/saying: "Larry Warner's office"
30. Favorite book: "White Oleander", though I'm loving "The Virgin Suicides"..
31. Favorite Movie: "Garden State" and "The Labrynth"
32. Favorite bands and song: I can't choose..
35. Favorite day: Saturday.. off work and no work the next day.. endless opportunities
36. Where do you want to go: Everywhere (Japan, Morocco, England, Ireland, Rome, Amsterdam, Prague, Brazil, Canada, Spain)
37. What is your career going to be: Superhero at large, since apparently the theory already exists that my boobs are so wonderful that they get up at night and fight crime.. wasn't my theory..
39. What kind of car will you have: Prius, Jetta Hybrid, or Mini-Cooper Turbo, if I have a car instead of an I-have-a-death-wish motorbike
42. Eye Color: Green
43. Hair Color: Currently "Medium Ash Brown" .. I decided to go a little lighter..
44. Righty or Lefty: Righty
45. Zodiac sign: Gemini... and I am a true Gemini
46. Innie or Outtie: Innie
DESCRIBE...
47. Your heritage: Mostly Native American (1/8th or 1/16th Cherokee - the paperwork was lost after everyone died); Scotch/Irish, German, and if you go way, way back, a little French.
68: Shoes you wore today: Black high heels.. changing into my cute new ballet-esque shoes after work though.
49. Your hair: Brown mullet.. but I can make a cute ponytail or pigtails anytime.
50. Your weakness: Used books, eBay, polaroids, smart, funny, cute boys..
51. Your fears: Let's not go into that... some of the more superficial ones though are a fear of growing old, dying, and not doing anything great with my life.
52. Your hopes: Helping others, getting a great education on paper, but always learning whether I'm in school or not..
53. Your most recent secret: Too many to tell...
54. Your thoughts first waking up: "SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT!!! It's too early!!!!"
55. The first feature you notice in the opposite (same) sex: Basic build/features..
56. Your bedtime: Whenever I pass out..
57. Your most missed companion: Raphael.. he's away from me for the first time ever.
58. Your perfect pizza: Hawaiian...
59. Sweet and Chewy or Salty and Crunchy: Depends.. right now? ... Salty and Crunchy..
60. Single or group dates: Single
61. Dogs or Cats: Dogs
62. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
63. Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
64. Cappuccino or Frappuccino: Frap.
65. Smoke: Marlboro Reds, or Parliament Light 100's
66. Curse: Regular cursing? "FUCK!" or "DAMN!".. road rage cursing and I-just-lost-a-game cursing is more a string of profanity that I yell for as long as I can keep yelling... something like "FUCKSHITDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGCOCKSUCKERYOUSONOFABITCHCUNT!" It's much like Teret's really..
67. Sing: In the car, in the shower, walking along.. all the time..
68. Take a shower everyday: Yeah..
69. Have a crush: Yep
71. Think you've been in love: Yes
72. Want to go to college: I'm already ahead of you...
73. Want more than what you've got: Material-wise? Sometimes.. but really I'd like more knowledge, more wisdom, more cunning...
74. Want to get married: No
75. Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: Yes.
76. Think you're attractive: I'm decent..
77. Think youíre a health freak: I've been smoking on and off since I was 12, are you KIDDING ME?!?
78. Get along with your parents: Mom? Yes. Dad? No way.
79. Play an instrument: Used to mess around and play guitar a bit..
Have You. In the last Year :
80. Drink: Yes.
81. Smoked: Yes.
82. Done a drug: Yes.
83. Made Out: Yes.
84. Go on a date: Yes.
85. Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Almost....
86. Eaten sushi: Yes.
87. Been dumped: Yes.
88. Made homemade cookies: Nope.
89. Been in love: Yes.
90. Gone skinny dipping: Yes.
91. Dyed your hair: Yes.
92. Stolen anything: If stealing is not giving some of your ex-boyfriend's stuff back in retaliation of him keeping your favorite physical object ever, then yes.
HAVE YOU EVER..
93. Had too much to drink: Yes.
94. Been caught cheating: No. I don't cheat.
95. Been called a tease: No.
96. Gotten beaten up: No.
97. Changed who you were to fit in: I really don't try to change to fit in with others, but I know that when I find a group of people that I am around a lot, I notice that I evolve a bit and pick up some of their quirks, but it's never deliberate.
98. Cried at something beautiful: Yes.
99. Spent too much money on something you didn't need: Of course.
100. Cried when someone died: Yes. Me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|02:42 pm] |
From hermitting to social butterfly and now it's time to go back to hermitting.
Books I'm working on currently:
+ The Golden Compass
+ The Feminine Mystique
+ Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man
It's back to my books, dogs, and my new addition to things that love me: my white orchid. That's not to say that there aren't people that love me, but sometimes, when they try to help me out or give me advice, they only succeed in making things harder or worst. I just need a break from people right now.
My restlessness has become greater as the days go by. I can't imagine how life will be when I go back to school. I really don't want to go back to that school... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|11:13 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | energetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Radio station we always play at work | ] |
I just spent some time reading over old entries and I realized how much I lie to myself (and others that read this) about how I feel about things. I always try to make it sound better, in an attempt to convince myself that things are better, I suppose.
I was really unhappy at ETSU, make no mistake about that. If I could afford the move, I wouldn't be returning to that school this year, but reality is, I'm financially stuck so I have one more year there. After that, I'm doing whatever I have to in order to get away from this area. I need new faces, more opportunities to pursue the things I want to do with my life, and some overdue exploration.
There are bad and good things going on at the moment. Money issues suck. Hopefully they'll get better soon. I've lost several friends since returning. I've broken some hearts, which I really hate to do, and my father and I aren't on speaking terms, nor do I plan to be on speaking terms with him until he begins to change, and treat my entire family better. Currently, he's a selfish bastard who gambles away the money that my family so desperately needs, takes all of his anger (I'm not sure what he's angry about) out on whomever happens to be around, but he'll go out of his way to direct it towards me sometimes, and he just treats my mom like shit in general. I'm pissed at him for being such a son of a bitch and half-pissed at mom for taking it like she does.
Good stuff list:
+ New boytoy - it all happened so quickly that my head is still spinning, but I'm really enjoying every minute I get with him.
+ Losing weight naturally - that's always fun.
+ A new "stay healthy" kick - cutting back on caffeine and cigarettes. It's super-hard but I've been inspired and I know it's ultimately a good decision.
+ Should start a second job at Sonic soon. Carhop at a brand new Sonic in a small town = $$$.
+ Finally getting glimpses at that truly happy feeling, and I know I wouldn't be in this wonderful place that I am, of getting myself back together and being okay without the ones that have been taking care of me all along. They've listened to me bitch and cry and rant and have guided me through it all. I cannot express how truly grateful I am for all of it.
+ Tonight's plans: Cream soda + Vanilla Sky + boytoy. Hell yes!
P.S. - What do you guys do to inspire yourself and get out of ruts in your life? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2005|11:55 am] |
Post anything that you want but post it anonymously.
a story, a photo, a love, a hate, a secret...anything.
make sure you post it anonymously, though.
you can post as many times as you like.
this is open to non-friends too. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|03:01 pm] |
"The great confusion in which we live stems from the assumption and erroneous impression that we can do everything and that everything entails doing something like, for instance, "making love." The other day someone said:"I realize that I don't have love. I wonder where I could get it and how I could get it." Around the issue of love there is a great deal of confusion stemming from the operational bias with which we view life. We cannot get love. We cannot make love. We cannot give love. If we try, we turn out to be inauthentic, consciously or unconsciously.
Love can only be realized. What does it mean to realize something? It means to become conscious of the reality of something. When we realize love, we discover that love really is, and that which is does not have to be produced since it already is. And when we are conscious of what really is, then that which really is becomes manifest in our experience."
-Thomas Hora |
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[Jun. 8th, 2005|02:07 pm] |
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With very few exceptions, I'm pretty much done hanging out with girls. |
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